...you've just got to ride it!!
Up, down, up, down, swing one way, then the other, do a loop the loop, then a massive plummet, before climbing again. And that's just my emotions.
I am pretty certain that I never used to be this erratic. Others may (probably will) disagree.
From feeling quite positive prior to my latest dose of chemo I had an almighty meltdown in the room once attached to my drip. How humiliating. I cannot really explain what or why it happened except that 3 large doses of steroids, no sleep, an uncomfortable canulla, the two men next to me both receiving blood transfusions and ordering lunches (which are a known bad trigger - I now take my own lunch) and the chemo nurse suddenly remembering to give me anti nausea as an afterthought (I think just the mention of nausea was enough to not help) and then the type of anti nausea given (which I have previous experience of and it has caused rather than stopped nausea, albeit briefly) possibly all added together.
Thankfully I was rescued by my amazing friend Sally, a lovely nurse and a fabulous doctor who I had been lucky enough to meet the week before and between them they persuaded me to have a small dose of Lorazepam.
Which promptly knocked me out for over half an hour. What a relief, and not just for me - everyone else in the room must have been grateful for the cessation of snot and tears. What an idiot.
This was followed by a very sleepy day on Wednesday, good days on Thursday and Friday then a disastrous day on Saturday that started at 2.00am when I woke up feeling rather average, proceeded to Stoke Mandeville at 6.00am, home at 8.30am and bed for the day before having another major snot and tears session at about 5.00pm before getting up and feeling absolutely fine all evening.
I woke up on Sunday full of the joys of Spring (yes, I do know it is actually September) and set to on a bake-athon as well as hoovering the kitchen and generally running around like a mad thing all day.
It seems to be a lucky dip of how I will feel when I wake up in the morning which can be slightly disconcerting.
Which turn of the rollercoaster will be next?
Monday, 17 September 2012
Sunday, 9 September 2012
Vamping it up
This chemotherapy lark is a drag.
I can honestly say I have never felt so bleurgh from an appearance point of view.
Seriously.
I am bald. What little stubble I did have is now falling out - generally in my food.
My eyebrows are abandoning me at an alarming rate as well.
I have ballooned in size thanks to all the steroids (so the chemotherapy weight loss plan was a complete non starter - I just wish someone had told me that at the beginning).
And then let's not forget - this whole thing started with some man lopping off my left boob.
Can't say my self perception is at an all time high.
However - as the title suggests, I am trying to liven things up a bit. Therefore I have started wearing rather vampish nail varnish. Some people have already commented on it - and the reaction has been quite positive. I have to admit that the colour is not my usual taste but there is a medical reason - the current drug has the lovely side effect of lifting your fingernails off. Apparently one way of trying to help prevent this is to wear as dark a nail varnish as you can find to try and block out as much as light as possible as it is thought that the drug reacts with light. Hence the rather vampish colour!
More seriously though it has occurred to me that I should not moan - I have spent the last eleven days watching the Paralympic Games. If this has taught me nothing else, I have learnt that however hard I think this year has been, most of the side effects such as hair loss and fluctuating weight are things that will pass. And however hard I try to find a category in the Paralympics for myself, I have failed to find one for people whose only prosthetic is on their chest!
I can honestly say I have never felt so bleurgh from an appearance point of view.
Seriously.
I am bald. What little stubble I did have is now falling out - generally in my food.
My eyebrows are abandoning me at an alarming rate as well.
I have ballooned in size thanks to all the steroids (so the chemotherapy weight loss plan was a complete non starter - I just wish someone had told me that at the beginning).
And then let's not forget - this whole thing started with some man lopping off my left boob.
Can't say my self perception is at an all time high.
However - as the title suggests, I am trying to liven things up a bit. Therefore I have started wearing rather vampish nail varnish. Some people have already commented on it - and the reaction has been quite positive. I have to admit that the colour is not my usual taste but there is a medical reason - the current drug has the lovely side effect of lifting your fingernails off. Apparently one way of trying to help prevent this is to wear as dark a nail varnish as you can find to try and block out as much as light as possible as it is thought that the drug reacts with light. Hence the rather vampish colour!
More seriously though it has occurred to me that I should not moan - I have spent the last eleven days watching the Paralympic Games. If this has taught me nothing else, I have learnt that however hard I think this year has been, most of the side effects such as hair loss and fluctuating weight are things that will pass. And however hard I try to find a category in the Paralympics for myself, I have failed to find one for people whose only prosthetic is on their chest!
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