So it's been a long time since I wrote - to be honest I have been enjoying the break from treatment although this brings with it the fear that I am not doing anything pro-active to ensure I am as well as possible.
Having said that I have been doing something - I have started my course of five years of Tamoxifen. I just need to try and remember that it is designed to starve and therefore kill any rogue cells that could have somehow managed to escape the chemo. How the hell anything could have got round that I do not know but I know it does happen.
I have been listening with interest to Mix 96s broadcasts this week in relation to the Cancer Care and Haematology Unit. The Monday broadcast reduced me to tears. I know I am not alone in this - I spoke to two other people the next day who had heard it and their reaction had been the same. A heart wrenching story of Becky being diagnosed 2 days before her thirtieth birthday, going through the chemo (she had much the same reaction to it that I did), following it with radiotherapy, then a year to the day from her original diagnosis finding a new lump (whilst on holiday abroad) and on return to the UK having it confirmed that the cancer has now reoccurred in her liver, pelvis and spine. This time it is management of the tumours, not cure that is hoping to be achieved.
A horrifying reality check for everyone but without a doubt I know that everyone who has heard the broadcasts this week joins me in wishing Becky all the best and that the CCHU are able to control this for years to come.
In the meantime, my hair is growing back properly at last. The overwhelming colour is still skin so no reveal for a while yet but at least I feel that it is making progress.
The stupid thing is, for some reason I appear to be surprised that not only the hair on my head is growing. On getting undressed the other day I thought things felt a bit breezy round my calves but put this down to the lower temperature that day. Apparently not. The particularly annoying part is that the hair on my legs is now longer than that on my head. How is that right? Or fair? It will be easily remedied though...
I think that is possibly enough personal revelations for now.
I have started my radiotherapy today. I had a mini wobble about it last night as I had been planning on going alone but was suddenly overcome by fear of it hurting. Stupid I know. X-rays do not hurt unless they are of something that is already broken, in which case that is a rational fear. But I have an inbuilt fear of a new treatment now - not knowing quite what to expect has not really helped in the past (memories of the first dose fly back to my mind) so I also felt nervous like I was heading off for my first day at a new school or in a new job. That fear of the unknown. Thankfully my big brave hubby came with me so I was able to be a lot braver! I feel I can manage to go on my own a bit now as I know where I am going and more importantly what to expect once I get into the room.
So. Easy peasy. How nice to have a treatment that means you just lie there and can't feel any side effects!!
Yet.
No comments:
Post a Comment