Advice to the NHS

For the past two decades it is fair to say I have been the proud owner of quite a valley.  Ten days ago, it was transformed into a plateau with a nearby hill.  Over the last couple of days, unauthorised groundworks appear to have been taking place and a new foothill has been developing.  Today, the strain on the ley line has become too great and intervention was required. 
After a swift visit (two hours) to A&E I am once again in possession of a plateau and a hill.
Now, where to start with the advice for the NHS?
Booking in and waiting for triage were, as I expected, run of the mill, apart from being slightly offended by the triage nurse putting the BP cuff on my arm that quite clearly said 'Large Adult'.  I am not arguing that I couldn't do with losing a few pounds, who couldn't?  I am quite naughtily relying on my chemo to do that for me, but large adult?  Thankfully, he was corrected by the fact that it failed completely to pick up any sort of BP from me.  I am therefore surely meant to go to the top of the scale for immediacy of treatment as I am registering death like symptoms?  No.  The right sized cuff thankfully registered a very healthy and calm reading.
Eventually collected by an A&E doctor who was very pleasant and understanding but I am sure I still saw some moisture behind her lobes.  An examination followed that seemed to involve a lot of talking and not much examining, although apart from prodding the fluid filled area, realistically what could she do?  She wrote it all down and then announced she had no idea what to do other than draw the fluid off so was going to consult with the surgical team in case they needed a more hands on part in my treatment.  What??  Have I not had enough surgical intervention in the past fortnight? 
Advice to NHS part 1 - please teach all staff how to help a patient with a painful and non functioning arm to get undressed.  When they ask you to pull a sleeve on the opposite arm that functions perfectly, do what they ask.  Don't think you know better and try and take the cardigan down off both shoulders because THAT HURTS!!!! They are asking you to perform a task that they know will benefit them and cause the least discomfort.
Advice to the NHS part 2 - don't admit in front of the patient that you have no idea how to proceed and then run off leaving you undressed in an unlocked room. 
Advice to the NHS part 3 - when the surgical team arrives is it advisable that they do not appear to be a comedy team where no-one is sure who has what instruments or even if the instruments they do have are relevant to the procedure to be carried out.
Advice to the NHS part 4 - I do not care how senior you are, when a patient says OW, it generally implies they would quite like you to stop doing what you are doing.  In my case prodding my left under arm hard when it has just had incredibly invasive surgery performed on it and you have already been told it is the sorest point on the patient's body.  I did point out to him that I was aware he was not used to feedback from his patients as they are usually unconscious, however this one is wide awake and would he listen to her please?
Advice to the NHS part 5 - whilst the, it now appears junior, surgeon is performing the procedure it is not advisable for the senior surgeon to point out he is using the wrong sized needle.  Thank god he was, apparently he should have been using a wider one.
Advice to NHS part 6 - please teach all medical staff how to put on dressings and for goodness sake don't stand watching and then ask if they have it the right way up!!!!
Advice to the NHS part 7 - Please tell ALL doctors to turn their backs while the physically challenged patient is squirming their way back into their top by stepping into it and pulling it up in a not very dignified manner as their previously sore and non functioning arm is now excruciatingly painful because the surgeon kept prodding it.
I think that covers it. 
Anyway, I had a couple of hours' peace and quiet in which to read a book, I bought a hot chocolate and I got home in time to throw my babies into bed so I considered the outing a success.  Oh, and they relieved the pressure on my scar (ley line).
One last thing.  If your patient is honest enough to admit they have a needle phobia, please do not wave the needle and five syringes full of drawn fluid in her face...